"Everything, it seems, I like's a little bit stronger; a little bit harder; a little bit harmful for me."

This Rufus Wainwright song "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" is most definitely my new 'wind down' background music. It's fabulous, actually.

Tonight is my second night inhabiting the studio apartment that Miss Daynes previously evacuated. The walls are a beautiful shade of green, of course. And they are stunning. :) It seems there is more painting to come. I do love painting, I do. It's the taping and the lingering smell that put me off just a bit. I guess it's all worth it. I should be here for two more years, at least.

I'm getting a flat screen TV tomorrow. Thank you to pops and bro for the donation. I'm learning the value of gifts more and more as I begin paying for things with money I actually work for. It's amazing how you never really think of these things until your own sweat and tears go into the money you're dishing out.

Me and Jesus don't spend enough time together these days. Guess who's fault that is.. I use the excuse that I'm super busy; but when I do sit down, I consciously avoid it. It feels like He's sitting right here in the room and I'm simply ignoring His presence. It's that always-in-the-back-of-your-mind feeling. I've got to work on that.

I have a long list of to-do's tomorrow before the pick-up.

I'm, really, ready for June 7th. I've almost accepted that things are not going back to Fall '09 and I'm ready to get to know the life that lies ahead. Unfortunately, that life does not begin until eminent changes come to pass. I'm guessing that June 7th will mark the completion (or near-completion) of these changes. You can't start getting used to something until it's here. I guess I'm ready for it to get here.

I really hate just accepting things. I need some emotion to go into it. Maybe I'll get to the bottom of that tonight. Meaning, I might be able to find the emotion necessary to make this transition smoother. Maybe. Maybe not.

Lord, My dear Father who craves my attention, decrease me and increase You in my heart. I want to know You more. I want to learn Your gentleness and justice; Your strength and compassion; Your love. I want those things to overflow out of me and into the lives of the two beautiful girls You have placed in my care. Help me to see them as your children. Father, why do You not provide these girls with the wisdom that You instilled in me? It's so hard for me to relate to them. I cannot understand how they do not see what I saw. Help me, Father.