Saturday, August 21, 2010

"Give to Caesar what is Caesar's" - Jesus

As I sit and ponder all the ways I can get out from under my student loans faster than (enter cliche phrase here), I think I have stumbled upon something interesting.

One of my very favorite things to do is analyze people. I like to deconstruct the way people interact to one another, to situations, and tangible things they encounter. Something that we each encounter every day is money. It's regularly discussed how people interact with money: some people spend, some people save, et cetera, et cetera.

I hate money. No, I don't think you understand. I HATE MONEY. I hate what it stands for; I hate the way people idolize it; and I hate--more than I hate the devil himself--that it is a necessity in our culture. We'll come back to that.

I have heard people say "I don't go to work." For those of you who don't know, they're not saying that they don't have a job (well, these days they might be saying just that), they're saying that they love their job so much that it doesn't feel like work. It's what they love to do.

For those of you who have ever been in debt, you know what it feels like. For the past three years I have been accruing student loans to pay for my housing. I also used those loans to pay for an amazing and once-in-a-lifetime trip to Hong Kong. (I learned so much about myself, our culture, and their culture while I was there. I don't regret that time for a second.) During those blissful college years, the loans were a means. I was not emotionally involved in the money and was unaware of what it truly meant to spend it--it wasn't mine. Now that I am out of college I have exactly $18,000 in debt (accruing interest, of course). It's not much in comparison to some people, but eighteen thousand dollars is a lot of money. Don't even get me started on what I would do with that. Right now, though, I am enslaved to that amount.

Here's where the late-night insight comes in: I am enslaved to the thing I hate most. But not everyone hates money. In fact, some people *love* it. So I have to wonder: for those people who love money, is being enslaved to money as enjoyable as loving your job? If so, do those people understand how much of what they love is being lost by being indebted to others? I hate money and I hate being in debt. Thus, I am doing everything I can to get rid of it in two to three years, and I will end up saving literally thousands because of it. But so many people spend their entire lives paying off loans and the interest from the loans and they don't realize all the amazing things they can do with the money they're paying in interest. Although, to those who love money, those amazing things may be as useless as buying a $100,000 car the day before you die.

Ok. That wasn't a successful wrap, but I'll leave all two of you who read this to continue the thoughts in your head. Let me know if you come up with anything good.


"And they were amazed at Him" - Mark 12:17

Friday, August 20, 2010

"I was made to love and be loved by You." - Toby Mac

Most days, I really enjoy my job. I work hard, keep productivity high, and make sure we're in the positives. However, my list of things to do is growing increasingly (And most of them I don't know how to do). Well, the list is in my head. I'm afraid to write it down because I think I'm going to forget something. It's so stressful. There are so many things to juggle. And with the potential impending doom, I think I may explode--or, worse, let my boss see me cry.

If I weren't enslaved to these stupid student loans, I'd be purchasing a plane ticket to Scotland for TOMORROW. I need to serve. THAT'S what I was made for. Not this.

*sigh*

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"I can't figure out just how much air I will need to breathe when Your tide rushes over me." - Needtobreathe

"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing--grain offerings for the Lord your God.

- Joel 2:12-14



He is calling me. And I WILL answer. It's time to turn and run, time to find my wholeness in the Lord, time to receive peace in my life once again.

Here I am.