What Do You Expect?

When I was sixteen-years-old, I had my life planned out. I was going to go to college, find a nice boy, date him for a couple of years, get engaged, then get married right after graduation. I actually know a few people who did/are doing this. Cute. I expected that to be me, too. By the end of my sophomore year in college, I hadn't had a serious boyfriend in over a year. I was certainly looking, but "nothing panned out," as they say. At this point, I began to wonder if my expectations were reaching a bit, so I began to change them. "I'll meet someone soon, and we'll get married a bit later, or not date as long, but it'll be almost like I thought." Then, the end of junior year: "Well I'm certainly not going to meet and marry someone in a year." My expectations changed, but I thought for sure I'd meet someone before I graduated. Now, I hope I don't.

When I was eighteen-years-old, I was beginning college as an undeclared math major. I had the next three, yes three, years of my life planned. I would hurry through college, taking as many hours as I could and finish my BS in Math before my twenty first birthday. We even bought the one year membership of the SAA instead of the 4 year because I expected to graduate in three years, and I was dead-set on that. A year and a half later I'm pursuing a AB in Film on the opposite side of campus, hoping Mr. Right spends his time on north, rather than south, campus. Now, four years later, I'm about to graduate; and I'm thankful I left math when I did.

When I was around twelve-years-old when I was first encouraged to do martial arts by my parents. Sure, I was a tom-boy, but I wasn't a BOY. That was a boy thing, and I was NOT interested. Freshman year in college my friend Mason and I pursued the idea for about a week--they were offering classes in Ramsey--but the thought of wearing that silly white uniform? I expected that I would look ridiculous, and feel even more ridiculous than I looked. When Billy first started talking to me about self-defense classes, I chuckled at his efforts. It was at the same place he did his karate and jiu jitsu (which, back then, I spelled differently every time). But it was cute, in a "your hands are shaking" kind of way, that he asked. And each time he asked the thought seemed more and more absurd. But it was August 2008 and there I was in the American Black Belt Academy at some open house he somehow conned me into going to. It was worth it, I got to see a girl flip him over her shoulder and onto the ground. I counted it as a win, I suppose. What I never expected that a year after that, I would be training in that same room--and loving it! Craving it, even. Now, I'm only a few months away from a green belt and wear a red uniform because I'm a member of the Black Belt Club.

In November when Billy first mentioned that he might be going to Hong Kong this semester, I was thrilled for him! What an exciting experience. I was, actually, quite jealous. Honestly, after two solid years of friendship, I never expected that I would miss him even a little bit. In January, when he got there, I missed him a lot. I suppose you really don't realize how close you've gotten with someone until they're not longer bugging you all the time. When we first started joking about me going over there for spring break, I never expected--not for a second--that it would happen. But, of course, I did. And I'm so glad I went. There is no doubt that the experience was worth so much more than the money I spent. It was truly life-changing. Now, I'd give anything to be back there. Well, I'd at least give a couple thousand dollars.

I never expected to have "bad cartilage" and arthritis in my joints at twenty-years-old, to be single and loving it at twenty-one, to go to three different countries in one year, to want to move to another country (asap), that I would actually consider not ever being a mother, that I would be good at animation, that I would *gasp* enjoy shopping.

I have expected so many things in my life and, not once, have my plans played out exactly as I expected them to.

The point? Stop expecting. Hope. Dream. Desire. But don't expect.