I feel like I should apologize for my language, but I don't wanna. Sorry.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Be Safe or Take A Chance?
I have to make a decision by tomorrow that may or may not affect the rest of my life. Actually, by default it will affect the rest of my life, but it's importance has the potential to be life changing. I will change my day-to-day life for a minimum 3 months, but almost certainly longer by default.
The decision? To be safe or take a chance. ugh.
For one, my personality is not one to be asked a question like this. Ultimately, it's much more complicated than this; but if you step back you're asking me, really, if I should be adventurous or play-it-safe, as they say. I love adventure. I CRAVE adventure. Sure, I'm "Mommy Heather"--although I'm trying to break out of that name--and I always think about the consequences of my actions, but I still go for adventure most of the time, as long as it's not going to get my killed.
Now, in neither one of my options does death loom, so typical I would resort next to what I WANT to do. I want to travel. Go. Get the hell outta this stupid state--this stupid country--and go. Go until I can't go anymore. For me, that's to the tip of South America and back OR to the top of Scotland, depending on how things work out. But it isn't that simple. Why? First, I'm not going to let myself travel unless I have some kind of job lined up.
Herein lies the problem. I HAVE a job. It's not much, but it's guaranteed
$400 a month until August, experience in the field I want to pursue, and the opportunity to boost my resume and reel. The catch? I have to stay in Athens and gradate in August instead of May.
So now is decision time.
Option One: Take A Chance
-What does that look like?
Graduating in May. Not having a job over the summer. Moving out of my apartment in Athens and into my brothers. (Probably) Travelling either to Central/South America or Scotland/England/France for a month or longer. Having a job to come back to or at least being able to substitute teach everyday somewhere. Living with my bro when I get back. MAYBE doing Animation Mentor if I can't get anything with my reel. (Which is another $18,000 of loans, nearly doubling what I already have.)
Option Two: Play-it-safe
-What does that look like?
Keeping my job through July and probably getting another one. Taking the Intro to Action class to up my experience/confidence so I can get experience. Living in Athens with someone over the summer. Graduating in August. Hopefully having a job or at least being able to substitute teach everyday somewhere. Moving in with Clint in August unless I find a job somewhere else. MAYBE doing Animiation Mentor, but actually having some money to fall back on instead of none like I would if I go travelling.
So basically it comes down to travelling or not travelling. Having a financial safety net or not. I hate when it comes down to money. It makes me so angry. Not because I wish I had more, but because it just sucks that something so ridiculous holds people back from doing things. I really hate money. Like a lot.
I'll probably play it safe. I just can't bring myself to spend all that money without knowing if I'll have any income later. I wish I could be a live-in nanny somewhere. I wish I could do that for my aunt and uncle. They have the best kids, that would be awesome. Or even just down in Savannah so I could be near my cousins. *sigh* Maybe. Until then, it looks like I'm going to graduate in August. I should probably be more excited about it, but I'm not. I really wanna see more of the world.
I will see more of the world. Just not this year, apparently. Damn. I hate being safe.
*note: I have to leave now, so this has not been proof-read. Not that anyone will actually read it.*
The decision? To be safe or take a chance. ugh.
For one, my personality is not one to be asked a question like this. Ultimately, it's much more complicated than this; but if you step back you're asking me, really, if I should be adventurous or play-it-safe, as they say. I love adventure. I CRAVE adventure. Sure, I'm "Mommy Heather"--although I'm trying to break out of that name--and I always think about the consequences of my actions, but I still go for adventure most of the time, as long as it's not going to get my killed.
Now, in neither one of my options does death loom, so typical I would resort next to what I WANT to do. I want to travel. Go. Get the hell outta this stupid state--this stupid country--and go. Go until I can't go anymore. For me, that's to the tip of South America and back OR to the top of Scotland, depending on how things work out. But it isn't that simple. Why? First, I'm not going to let myself travel unless I have some kind of job lined up.
Herein lies the problem. I HAVE a job. It's not much, but it's guaranteed
$400 a month until August, experience in the field I want to pursue, and the opportunity to boost my resume and reel. The catch? I have to stay in Athens and gradate in August instead of May.
So now is decision time.
Option One: Take A Chance
-What does that look like?
Graduating in May. Not having a job over the summer. Moving out of my apartment in Athens and into my brothers. (Probably) Travelling either to Central/South America or Scotland/England/France for a month or longer. Having a job to come back to or at least being able to substitute teach everyday somewhere. Living with my bro when I get back. MAYBE doing Animation Mentor if I can't get anything with my reel. (Which is another $18,000 of loans, nearly doubling what I already have.)
Option Two: Play-it-safe
-What does that look like?
Keeping my job through July and probably getting another one. Taking the Intro to Action class to up my experience/confidence so I can get experience. Living in Athens with someone over the summer. Graduating in August. Hopefully having a job or at least being able to substitute teach everyday somewhere. Moving in with Clint in August unless I find a job somewhere else. MAYBE doing Animiation Mentor, but actually having some money to fall back on instead of none like I would if I go travelling.
So basically it comes down to travelling or not travelling. Having a financial safety net or not. I hate when it comes down to money. It makes me so angry. Not because I wish I had more, but because it just sucks that something so ridiculous holds people back from doing things. I really hate money. Like a lot.
I'll probably play it safe. I just can't bring myself to spend all that money without knowing if I'll have any income later. I wish I could be a live-in nanny somewhere. I wish I could do that for my aunt and uncle. They have the best kids, that would be awesome. Or even just down in Savannah so I could be near my cousins. *sigh* Maybe. Until then, it looks like I'm going to graduate in August. I should probably be more excited about it, but I'm not. I really wanna see more of the world.
I will see more of the world. Just not this year, apparently. Damn. I hate being safe.
*note: I have to leave now, so this has not been proof-read. Not that anyone will actually read it.*
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Animation
I really love it. I'm not quite sure why I always dread coming into the lab. Maybe it's the lack of windows and the feel of intense isolation. But I really love sitting here trying to get something to move exactly like I want it to. It's a combination of everything I love: creativity, control, graphs, math, hard work, [occasionally] coding, and a very rewarding ending.
Coding. Coding is the reason I left the Computer Science department. You can't hate coding and be a CS major. Not successfully, or with any level of enjoyment. I didn't hate coding, per se. I hated not having someone who could successfully teach me ANYTHING about coding. Billy helped teach me some stuff; I went to two different 1302 classes trying to learn it; but in the end, my professor really just couldn't help me to way I needed. I'm an intelligent person, but, unlike very few others, I cannot learn something I have not been taught. I cannot teach myself. It's not something I'm horribly upset about, but I didn't want to spend 3+ years crying over coding. So I left. However, what little coding I did in 1301 I really enjoyed.
We've done some coding in animation and I've quite enjoyed it. Not as much as the actual animating, but it's a good skill to have.
Back to animation. It really does pull together everything I truly enjoy. It's not easy by any means, but it's so much fun that I often forget how much I'm working. Hours will pass without me realizing. It's fantastic. I would be SO blessed to be able to do this for the rest of my life. I really hope I can. Although, I'm thinking I'm going to have to do Animation Mentor. *sigh* That's a topic for another day. What really makes the animation fun is the music I get to listen to. I am truly thankful to my Lord for giving someone the intelligence to come up with pandora.com. This station really makes what little frustration Maya provides in the lab so easily forgetable.
The point of all of this was to share with you the station I've been listening to.
http://www.pandora.com/?sc=sh189586204447843035#/
I'm sure another day I will share another station with you, but that one is my favorite right now. It's far from perfect, but the songs are rather amazing most of the time. :)
Enjoy.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
This Weekend
To Do list:
-read Bright Lights, Big City
-write a rough draft
-find sources for old Tout Va Bien paper
-find at least 5 more somewhat legit sources
-do walk cycles for anim
-spend at least 2 hours working on violet and colin
whew!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Please
I don't need you to understand, agree, or even approve. But will you at least be happy for me? I'm happy, really happy.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wait! What?!
It's December! Whoa! I'm just not ready for all this.. GAH! Well... December here I come.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Lord
Wow. He is SO good isn't He? This weekend was absolutely amazing! The Lord made Himself so real to me this weekend and made all of my problem go away and brought everything together so perfectly that I knew it was unmistakably Him orchestrating it all. :) It was truly an amazing experience. He's really all I need - what an amazing truth to accept! Oh! Praise Him! :)
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE HIM endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2
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