Desperation

Prayer is likely the most promoted action in the Christian world. If you're not sure, pray! If you want something, pray! If you're too tired, pray! If you can't, pray! If you need guidance, pray!

Guidance. Hmmm.

There are few things in this world that I believe without wavering: the sun will rise and fall each day--though I don't always see it; the only thing I really need to keep living is to keep breathing and the rest will follow; there is a good God that not only loves and cares for me (and every other individual), but wants to be part of our daily lives; and I believe that each of us has a spirit inside of us--some call it a conscience--and that spirit is our guidance.

There is belief in the Christian world that upon acceptance of Jesus as the savior of your life, the Holy Spirit enters your body/mind/spirit and begins crafting the new creation that you now are into a person and a life that is wholly please to God (itself). I suppose I believe this as well, maybe. I definitely feel that spirit, and have most of my life.


Prayer. Growing up I was blessed with great guidance from God, but I still did some stupid stuff. So many times I would go to church and hear, "Pray! Pray and the answers will come to you! Ask and you will receive!" And I would go home and pray about the stupid stuff I was doing. I wanted America's instant satisfaction so desperately that I ignored the Spirit inside me and prayed begged God to approve of whatever I wanted to do. In all honesty, there was no point. I knew already--if only I had listened--what I needed to do. What the right thing was, but I wanted what I wanted more than I wanted what was right--some would say what God wanted--so I just prayed.

One season of my life I woke up every morning aching from the inside out with dishonesty. I lied everyday to myself about how what I was doing was the right thing, and I prayed constantly for relief, for clarity, for guidance. Why? Because I was in denial. I was believing all of the untruth that the church had preached for all of those years and it resulted in lies--the Bible says that sin begets sin and death. This writhing of my heart and spirit led me into the deepest depression I've ever experienced--one I'm not 100% free from. There were days when I was having suicidal thoughts, and I gained about 15 pounds because I had no self-respect or motivation to each healthy or exercise. The beginning of my recovery was acceptance that no matter how much sense something makes, that doesn't make it true. Ultimately, I learned that the Spirit overrides the mind. Everytime.

Today I have realized that prayer for guidance isn't the answer. Sometimes you've got it already and you only need to pray for strength to follow through. I have also realized that God's legit. He is REAL guys. Not in the "not fake" sense of the term, but in the "reality" sense. He's not a fool, blind, or dumb--He's ready to guide you into a life filled with joy and happiness.

Sometimes was makes sense in your mind doesn't follow with where the Spirit is leading. Take a chance and follow the Spirit. Your mind will be amazed.