At the bottom of this post is the sermon that inspired it. I recommend that you watch all four of the parts of that series, but, if you don't want to, this one will do.
"That which is devoted is among you, O Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove it."
I have been struggling for a long time with this spiritual discomfort and lack of peace. I have prayed and prayed and prayed (very shallowly) for peace in life and my heart. Through this time I have been significantly blessed with meaningful relationships, good fortune, and love. Life is good. But I'm not happy and haven't been for a while. I've been close to happy, but not wholly satisfied.
As Mr. Stanley puts it in an earlier sermon, when I'm alone and by myself I know that there's something missing--there's something I can't fix.
What I keep coming back to is something I'm not convinced is bad. I'm not convinced it's sinful. I'm not even convinced I've been wrong in my actions in this area. But I cannot act on this without guilt and increased spiritual discomfort.
What if I'm wrong? What if this is not something that's OK? What if I cannot stand against my enemies until I've removed this act from my life?
This is a great fear for me. Because I don't want to stop. I don't want to move on--not wholly.
What do I do? I can't stop alone. I'm not even sure I want to. But I want to be free. Why can't I be free from the guilt? GUILT IS NOT FROM GOD!!
Lord, help me to behave in a way that will bring me back to spiritual peace. Lord, give me (PLEASE) an opportunity to take action. You opened that door for me in one place. In that place, I'm living in fear for a whole other reason. Guide me into action, please. I want peace. I want to talk to you about everything. I want to know you as a TRUE father. I want to feel your hand on my back when I'm hurting. You are not an idiot; I cannot fool you. Show me the way and I will follow. Yes I will. Don't let me use the excuse of potential discomfort to keep me from action, to keep me from spiritual comfort and peace. Thank you.
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